He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
