well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
