hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
