You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
