Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
