I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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