Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
