I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
