i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
