Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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