I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
