I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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