I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
