New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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