Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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