I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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