Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
