TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
