glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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