That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
