i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
