if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
