why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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