He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
