literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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