so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
