ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
