Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
