how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
