Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I touched a dick in church today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
