did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
