I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
