Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
