More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
