i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
