you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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