he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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