And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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