they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In other news, I just burned my penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
