I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
