so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
