I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
