he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
