You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
