You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
