Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
