So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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