She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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