I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
