i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
