she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
