I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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