I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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